Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
