Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
