I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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