So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize