I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
