next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
