I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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