after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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