I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
