we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
