you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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