I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
