i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
