He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
