Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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