i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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