Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
