I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I need a beard to bite.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
