So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I checked into jail on foursquare
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
