I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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