Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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