Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
