I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
