the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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