Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
