Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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