some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
