hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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