So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
