yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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