i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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