Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My feet surprised me
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
