I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
