I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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