I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
