Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
They have beer where we have blood.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Come on in and take your pants off
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