I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
