The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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