Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
