Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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