You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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