Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
