I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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