She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
