cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
