do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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