Moan for me like Helen Keller
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
