there was a trapeze. enough said
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
