I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
