I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
