Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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