I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
My underwear smells like fireworks.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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