Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
