Christians are straight up FREAKS
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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