if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
