using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
