god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
