You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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