I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
And then he peed in my hair
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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