I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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