so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
