Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
