Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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