dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
