i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
