True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Sorry my hands just texted you
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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