Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
