So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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