What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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